Recently, I announced a short documentary about my wedding. It’s called Uninvited, and the wedding is almost incidental. The film is about a guest list and the strange arithmetic my husband, Marc, and I performed as we wrote it: crossing off name after name of people who had once been close to us, people who decided, at some point in the last few years, that they could no longer be friends with a Jew who declines to apologize for existing.

Marc never chose a public life. He fell in love with a Jewish man who came with a target on his back, and the target found him, too. We told that story honestly, grief included, because grief is now part of being openly Jewish. But we also told it as a wedding: two grooms under a huppah, breaking the glass, unembarrassed by our own tradition. Once the film entered the world, the response exceeded criticism by an order of magnitude. A film about two men getting married produced a volume of death threats I would not have believed had I not read them myself.

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