UK by-elections have become like British buses – you know those quaint Double Deckers painted brilliant red?
You wait forever for one, and then two come along in quick succession.
A reminder: the two forms of election to the UK Parliament are first via a General Election involving the whole country voting, or second a by-election where a seat has become vacant and is a very much more local affair.
As you would guess, the most common occasions for such by-elections are where the member of parliament dies, and there becomes a vacancy in his or her constituency. But the two by- elections of which we speak are thoroughly bizarre and to twist Oscar Wilde’s quote:
One by-election in bizarre circumstances might be regarded as chance; two begins to smack of conspiracy. But then UK politics and elections have become totally bizarre.
First, you recall that the by-election that propelled Andy Burnham to Parliament was a device occasioned to allow him to stand for a seat which had been vacated by a person who was not only not dead, but not even unwell.
Yet that person was prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice of giving up his seat to Andy Burnham to send him into Parliament, where he would replace the unpopular prime minister Keir Starmer. This happened, and Burnham is now prime minister based upon the wishes of a 7,000 majority in that by-election. The remaining 66.5 million of the population have not been consulted.
Meanwhile, the by-election circus has packed up its big tent and is preparing to roll into a different town, the seaside town of Clacton, Essex. Now for those Israelis unfamiliar with Clacton, or indeed every other UK seaside town, Clacton is famous for the pier that stands out in the sea with amusement arcades on it, plus the thing that all such towns must offer: Sticks of rock (with the name Clacton printed through teeth-breaking candy), ice cream and the UK’S gourmet dish, which has three component parts. Fish ‘n chips, slice of bread and butter and a cuppa tea – all spelt like that.
But just as the Burnham by-election was an unnecessary device, the Clacton one is worse. The resident MP, Nigel Farage, the leader of the Reform Party and, looking like the favorite to win the next General Election, is currently being investigated for the circumstances in which he came into possession of £5 million.
Farage stands in by-election
Farage has stood down as MP, but having done so has said he will stand again in the next by- Election. So what is the point?
In logic, there cannot be one. He is asking the people of Clacton who previously voted him in as the MP to, well, vote for him again. The legitimate alternative parties such as Labour and Conservative say they will not participate in this farce.
Amongst the only people to stand against him are spoof candidates whom I made reference to in a previous article – Count Binface – the person whose electioneering consists of standing around with a dustbin over his head.
He is not to be confused with Lord Bucket Head, whom, by contrast to Binface, is a person who stands around with a Bucket over his head. These are not serious candidates but figures of mirth.
They are Clowns and represent a British love for caricatures that has been around since the 1700’s.
A little later, when I was growing up in the 1960s, our notion of the classic clown was the figure of “Coco,” with shoes 10 sizes too big, a red round plastic nose and a bald wig with two shocks of ginger hair hanging down his face.
His props were a car that fell to pieces and a horn that only sounded at inappropriate moments. Children, me included, loved him and we fell to pieces at the same time as the car.
To accompany the genre of the circus clown was the pop song made famous by the pop group Manfred Mann in the 1960’s entitled: “Ha-Ha Said the Clown,” the idea from the lyrics being that the clown deflects attention away from himself by laughing at another.
Recently, the term clown has been hijacked and used as an adjective for someone better described as an idiot and not doing the actual job he was assigned to fulfil.
Since October 2023, many a European leader or UN petty bureaucrat is better described as a clown.
And how else can you describe the promoters of two totally unnecessary, expensive by-elections – in Britain?
Meanwhile, Burnham made an inaugural speech. It was, of course, about Israel. He apologized to the UK for the delay in calling for a ceasefire after October 7. Not a word of the rights of Israel’s self-defense, nor for the wicked folly of recognizing Palestine whilst Hamas still had hostages.
Having started his reign with an apology to Hamas, others have joined Burnham. People like Wes Streeting, former Health Minister, have rushed to associate themselves with the hostility to Israel, hoping that “sucking up” to Burnham will be rewarded with a government position.
But the biggest danger of all comes from the new foreign secretary, Ed Miliband. All very well to reference his Jewish lineage, but there are far stronger indications to see what lies beneath:
Firstly, when nobody could have anticipated it, Miliband stood in the election for leader of the Labour Party against his brother, David Miliband.
Secondly, his every utterance on Middle East policy is to run down Israel and its government.
Thirdly, whilst leader of the Labour Party in 2014, he was pictured in a cafe eating a greasy bacon sandwich, in which his shirt was in strong competition with his mouth. Any obviously Jewish leader in the UK salivating over bacon in this way is making a statement.
Miliband and the Labour government are still revealing that their only topic of unity is not domestic policy but hatred of Israel. They far more richly deserve the title of clowns than the election candidates Count Binface and Lord Bucket Head.
Nigel Lithman is a retired criminal Judge and author. He lives between London and Zichron Ya’akov.