When red hearts and pink chocolate boxes pop up in the middle of summer, it can take a moment to remember that you’re not somehow late for February’s dirge of Valentine’s Day celebrations.
Instead, it’s Tu B’Av, the holiday described in the Talmud as one of the two happiest days on the Jewish calendar. Tu B’Av, historically an underrated holiday, has emerged as “Jewish Valentine’s Day.” Throughout Israel, cities host concerts, dance parties, and festive wine tastings to mark the day. And many couples choose Tu B’Av as an auspicious date to get engaged, or share romantic dinners and moonlit walks in honor of the day of love.
This may seem niche, but, at its core, the holiday is one that the Jewish people need now, perhaps more than ever: a day of removing barriers between Jews, and expanding what it means to belong.
The origins of Tu B’Av, celebrated this year on July 29, are documented in the Mishnah:
There were no days as joyous for the Jewish people as the 15th of Av and as Yom Kippur, as on them the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in white clothes, so as not to embarrass one who did not have. … And the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? Young men, please lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. (Taanit 4)
Tu B’Av: a time of joy
The idea of Tu B’Av as a time of joy is offered by several commentators: While the Israelites wandered in the desert, female orphans could only marry within their own tribes so as to prevent their inherited territory from passing on to other tribes. But this ban was lifted on Tu B’Av, and intertribal marriage was allowed. The unmarried women of Jerusalem would all wear white dresses, borrowed so as to ensure no one was left out, and without the barriers of tribal affiliation, would be able to find connection and love.
In an increasingly polarized Jewish world, perhaps Tu B’Av is our opportunity to focus, not on a Jewish Valentine’s Day, but to remind ourselves that strong relationships are the foundation of a strong people. As we experience fragmentation across politics, denominations and geography, we are invited to ask: What are the barriers that separate us today, and what could happen if we instead create new opportunities for belonging?
Jewish belonging, the experience of being recognized, valued and able to meaningfully participate in Jewish life without having to diminish or hide aspects of oneself, calls for a Jewish community that embraces complexity. Tu B’Av’s invitation is to remove the barriers we erect between ourselves and to instead choose to see one another as part of the shared experience of Jewish peoplehood. A peoplehood-centered Jewish identity grows through connection, belonging and an infrastructure of relationships. With core stories about repairing fractures and expanding who is able to belong, Tu B’Av is a chance to reconnect a divided people.
Jewish peoplehood education calls upon Jewish educators and community leaders to center the lived experience of belonging to a global Jewish collective, bound together by shared history, mutual responsibility, inherited wisdom and a commitment to a shared future. This Tu B’Av, our shared story feels increasingly fractured, as the Jewish people face challenges to our unity, our narratives and our current and future flourishing.
Strengthening Jewish identity
When we’re challenged with the questions of today, we as a field often ask how to strengthen Jewish identity. But Tu B’Av gives us the platform to ask a different question: How do we strengthen the relationships that make Jewish identity meaningful in the first place? Tu B’Av is an opportunity for Jewish educators, and communities, to create new rituals that center the core themes of the holiday beyond romance, namely relationships, the breaking down of barriers and building connections.
Communities can go back to the proverbial vineyard together, by inviting and bringing together groups of Jews who otherwise might not cross each other’s paths, or have the chance to engage as part of a shared community. One of the ways that Tu B’Av originally got its distinction as the most joyous of days was that all of the young women wore borrowed white garments, so no one would be embarrassed about not having the proper garb.
Today, we can translate that ethos into a belonging ritual, asking individuals to anonymously answer questions like “One thing people assume about me as a Jew…” and “One thing I wish other Jews understood about my experience…” Sharing the answers allows for the breaking down of barriers, and the creation of communities that recognize while we carry many differences, we belong to the same people.
If Tu B’Av was once a day to overcome tribal differences, in this moment of polarization, we can all offer our own communal wishes. This Tu B’Av, if everyone answered the prompt, “Because we are one people…” with their own declaration for the Jewish past, present and future, we will build a shared declaration of Jewish peoplehood that reflects our belonging to each other.
By prioritizing Jewish peoplehood, as a means and an end, we use a day that has been celebrated as one of finding “your person” to be about connecting with our people. While dancing in the hills may be out of reach, following the paradigm of creating encounters that strengthen connection with the Jewish people reminds us: belonging, connection, and commitment aren’t welcome outcomes of Jewish education. They are our primary goals.