For young Jerusalemites, mainly olim, the Shabbat kiddush experience is evolving from the in-shul “cholent and herring” of their grandfathers into an important social function.
The kiddush serves as an essential weekly “hub” for busy young professionals who are creatively finding post-synagogue, pre-lunch ways to see friends, have a nibble, drink a l’chaim, and maybe even learn a little Torah.
Max Koffler, who has been working in his start-up and serving in milium since completing college five years ago, acknowledged that “the kiddush [itself] is not something new at all.” He shared his observations on how it has changed for him over the years.
“From a young age, after shul, you kibbitz and schmooze at kiddush. In college, it becomes a kiddush at Hillel or people’s apartments or houses before lunch, and then in Israel, especially in Jerusalem, where there isn’t one centralized shul where everybody goes to all the time, it is a fun way to see your friends. And it is a little more distributed and dispersed than places like Tel Aviv. It is a great time to hang out.
“People are so busy during the week. You don’t necessarily have time to schmooze with all of your friends in one place. You get coffee here and there, but for five or 10 friends all at once who don’t necessarily live near each other, kiddush is a good chance to hang.
“It is at different apartments. I host sometimes; friends host sometimes. It is usually an open-house format for people to mingle. We usually have the [standard] kiddush nosh – cholent, deli roll, kugel, desserts and, of course, l’chaims.”
Interviews with young, mostly observant Jerusalemites reveal the important role “the kiddush” plays in their lives as single or young married 20- and 30-somethings.
Avi Levisohn, 28, a rabbinical student, and his wife, Judith, host a kiddush in their home every other Shabbat. “It is kind of an open secret – those who know, know – and you can bring a friend.”
Their kiddush regularly includes a learning component. To date, the Levisohns have taught about the weekly haftarah, and are currently studying the biblical Book of Ruth with friends.
They love the after-shul time slot for such kiddush get-togethers: “It is the best time to do anything social. People have been sitting in shul, they haven’t done anything yet and have lots of social energy,” he said. He also reported that it is a “very concentrated window.”
“It is 45 minutes, everyone is free, and they can all come at the same time. Otherwise, you can’t corral people to come in such a short window,” he added.
Levisohn noted that they tried hosting what is traditionally known as seuda shlishit or shaleshudes (third Shabbat meal), the late-afternoon time between Mincha and Maariv.
“People are tired after lunch,” he observed. Getting everyone there at the same time is unpredictable given the different times lunch ends, and some choose to take walks, naps, or see other friends.
Levisohn typically sends a WhatsApp to his friends every other week, reminding them of the Shabbat gathering. He and his wife prepare “cholent, some herring, or cookies,” and guests bring food as well. The couple co-lead the learning. Fifteen males and females attend on a given week.
“It is a really easy way to see a lot of people without a lot of effort and commitment – both as a host and as a guest!” he said.
Shlomo Eli Schweitzer, 27, a Jerusalem resident who between his job in cybersecurity and his IDF reserve duty, “likes to volunteer with JLIC,” where he organizes the shul kiddush that takes place after prayer services each week.
JLIC, a program of the OU that typically serves students on college campuses in the US and Israel, as well as recent graduates and young professionals, hosts a minyan each week in Jerusalem. It mostly serves 20- and 30-somethings. Schweitzer referred to his JLIC group as “Jewish Life in the City.”
Schweitzer proudly described the range of kiddushes held each week after services, including many that have themes: “We have done cholent and chicken fingers, and other times wine and cheese.”
He playfully described a recent kiddush in the park for nearly 100 people on the Shabbat after Shavuot. “It was the Shlomo Eli is Going to Heaven Kiddush!”
He explained that it was in honor of the third couple he set up for marriage – and the belief that you automatically have a “seat” in heaven after the third successful shidduch.
While post-shul JLIC kiddushes are slightly different in nature from “at home” kiddushes, they serve the same function.
“It gives people the opportunity to spend time and be with friends – and you don’t have to rely on being invited,” Schweitzer said. He also found that people are a more captive audience after shul and would not likely attend in the afternoon if offered then.
Popular kiddush foods
Popular kiddush foods include kugel and schnitzel, but he is particularly proud of a recent kiddush which consisted of poke bowls: “Competitions are also popular – people have made cookies or cakes, or challah and dips, chicken poppers [bite-sized breaded or battered chicken] or cheesecake – and people vote on which ones are the best!”
Miriam Blum is very involved with the Nadiv Minyan, a popular independent minyan for young adults in their 20s and 30s, that meets at the Ohel Nechama Synagogue. She reported that they attract 100-200 young people each week, including Anglos and young Israelis – many of them the children of English-speaking olim.
Blum sets up the shul kiddush every week and reported, “I want it to be a social scene” when people arrive for kiddush.
While her minyan is “one popular hub” for young adults, Blum is pleased there are “different hubs and choices one can go to.” She noted that there are “other hubs” which host people in the “post-shul, pre-12:30, 1 p.m. lunch” slot.
“Some host games and schmoozing. They help expand people’s circles. It is really cool!” she said.
For Jerusalemites, there is an increasing number of fun ways to meet nice people in and out of synagogue, build community, and enjoy tasty food – all before lunch is served – and with plenty of time to get in a nap on those long summer Shabbats.
Chances are, your zaide wouldn’t recognize these kiddushes – but he would be very proud!
Yes, you can host a kiddush
A simple kiddush really is the perfect way to host without making the rest of your week toast (har har). Being in my 40s – unlike the creative youngsters interviewed – I’m busy enough to appreciate what a great outlet it could be.
Just how do I know this? Because my former neighbor and continued good friend Dena Dworin introduced me to the art, having me over numerous times at her casa for a pre-Shabbat lunch soiree with flair and ease.
Raised in Chicago, she’s lived in Jerusalem for 13 years – first in the super-social neighborhood of Katamon and now in the emerging hotspot of Rassco (on Katamon’s edges). Dena was kind enough to enlighten us on how to throw together a kiddush with a minimum of stress, using what you have in your kitchen, and perhaps a quick jaunt to the makolet.
“The beauty of a kiddush is you’re not as limited,” Dena shares. “You can invite more people and different social circles, and they can circulate freely.”
“If you have a special occasion, like moving into a new apartment, saying goodbye to an old one, welcoming a visiting guest, an aliyahversary or a yahrtzeit, a kiddush strikes the perfect balance,” she points out. And, if you’re cheekily trying to set up a potential couple, you can invite them to meet naturally!
Here are some of her tips for a fun and fancy-free gathering:
• People love bite-sized morsels like cookies and brownies. However, while Dena is an amazing baker (in fact, I am going to ask her for a chocolate chip mug cake after this interview), not everyone is. It’s totally acceptable to buy something sweet at Duvshanit or the supermarket.
• To contrast, it’s nice to have something healthy – vegetables with tehina or seasonal fruit.
• A must-have is coffee (and for those under the King’s banner, tea), so set up that urn and put out the Taster’s Choice. Being lactose intolerant, I ask: Is soy/oat milk a must? Jury is out, she says, so think about who’s coming.
• Round it out with something crunchy like Bamba, pretzels, or Doritos.
• Make sure to have a few drink options – wine/grape juice and soda/cola.
• In the summer, she stresses, A/C is a must.
• Keep the food self-contained – chips as opposed to pistachios with shells – for a minimum of mess.
• Get some pretty, disposable plates/napkins/cups, and you’re in business!
Unlike at a meal, when you’re bringing out multiple courses, Dena notes, once you put everything out, you’re all set. So get out there and enjoy your guests!