We have all been living over the recent days within a jarring security reality. The recent missile launches from Iran, the changing instructions, and the unstable security situation bring the feeling of uncertainty back to daily life. Alongside this, the children seemingly continue with their routine: They returned to school, play, laugh, watch screens, fight with siblings, or participate in home activities. On the outside they may look "normal," but for many of them, the body and mind are in a continuous state of alertness, tension, and anxiety.
The current reality reminds children and adults alike that the situation can change rapidly. Therefore, even if many parents get the impression that the children are immersed in a game or a screen, they absorb much more than meets the eye. They hear conversations, notice the tension in our voice, the glances toward the phone, and our reactions to every alert or update. Many times the anxiety begins precisely in the place where the child feels that something worrying is happening, but fails to understand it and give words to their feelings.
Thus, for example, a 10–year–old boy who refuses to move away from the protected space. A girl who arrives at a new place and asks to know where the residential secure space (mamad) is located. A teenager who finds it difficult to fall asleep without checking over and over again that his phone is charged and that he will hear an alert in case one arrives, or a little girl who gets startled by every loud noise because she thinks it is a siren.
Perhaps this is the most important thing to understand during this period: Children do not always know how to say "I am afraid" or "I am anxious." Instead of talking about the fear, they begin to behave differently. They act out their emotions.
Sometimes it is evident that anxiety in children does not look like what adults expect. It does not always manifest in crying or overt fear. Often it "disguises" itself as other things. There are children who will complain of stomach aches, headaches, nausea, or fatigue, even though there is no medical explanation for it. Others will become more irritable, throw tantrums easily, or experience difficulty concentrating. Some children will withdraw into themselves, speak less, appear listless, or lose interest in activities they previously enjoyed.
In some children, anxiety manifests as an increased need for control. They want to know what is expected to happen, where the nearest protected space is located, how long it takes to reach it, what to do during a siren, and when the parents are returning home. There are also children who begin to "cling" more to their parents. Suddenly we will see separation difficulties; they ask to sleep next to one of the parents, want to know at any given moment where every family member is located, and fear being left alone.
One of the mothers shared that her 8–year–old son asks every evening: "If there is a siren at night, will you come to me immediately?" This is not just a question about a siren; it is a question about security. His question expresses the child's need to know that there is someone who will look after him in a world that currently feels less predictable and less safe.
The current reality requires children to cope with information, voices, and sensations that challenge adults as well. Therefore, it is important to notice the small changes in behavior. To understand that a child who used to be independent and suddenly has difficulty separating is not "spoiled"; a girl who became sensitive to noises is not "exaggerating." Sometimes these will be the signs that will help us identify that she is coping with an emotional overload.
During this period, it is especially important to reduce as much as possible children's exposure to the news and social networks. Videos of casualties, rumors, unverified information, and difficult images can reach children rapidly through TikTok, WhatsApp, Instagram, and YouTube.
The brains of children do not always know how to distinguish between an event that occurred in a distant place and an immediate threat. A video they saw at night can feel to them as if it is happening right now outside the window. Sometimes exposure to a single piece of content is enough to ignite a cycle of worries, frightening thoughts, and sleep difficulties. Sometimes parents will prefer to minimize information or beautify reality, but what will calm the children is information adapted to their age; it is important that parents mediate the situation for the children in a sensitive and reassuring manner. Knowing that there is a protected space and that they will enter it upon hearing a siren calms the children. We cannot control the situation, but we can instill security and calmness in the message we convey to the children, which is that we are together in this complex situation.
The situation is particularly complex for children who have already experienced loss, trauma, or jarring life events. For them, the fear is not theoretical. They know from personal experience that difficult things can happen, and therefore the current reality is liable to reawaken feelings of insecurity, threat, fear of the unknown, fear of loss of human life, and a feeling that the ground is shifting under their feet once again.
Many adults try to reassure by using sentences like: "There is nothing to worry about," "Everything will be okay," or "Nothing will happen." This is a natural and understandable reaction, but children do not need a promise that the world is absolutely safe. They already understand that it is not always possible to promise this. What they do need is an adult who manages to remain present and calm in the face of their fear. An adult who listens, contains, gives space to the emotion, and does not rush to dismiss or soothe it.
Grounding techniques can assist during emotional flooding. For example, asking the child to identify five things they see, four things they can touch, three sounds they hear, two smells, and one thing they taste. The exercise will help return the attention to the present moment and will reduce the feeling of flooding.
Simple actions can also assist greatly: Slow breaths together with the child or a prolonged hug that grants a sense of security. Also, maintaining routine actions (as much as possible), especially around meals and sleep, will promote a sense of stability. Playing, drawing, or writing will allow children to express emotions even without words.
With young children, one can use guided imagery of a safe and pleasant place or a "protective bubble" enveloping them.
With adolescents, creating a certain sense of control within the reality may assist, for example, by preparing a personal emergency bag, becoming familiar with the Home Front Command instructions, or building a clear family plan for the event of a siren.
But the most important thing is that the child feels that they are not alone inside the fear. That beneath the anger, the silence, the stomach aches, or the clinging, there is an adult who truly sees them, understands what they are going through, and is ready to remain by their side even in moments of uncertainty.
If you notice that your child's anxiety persists over time, impairs daily functioning, sleep, studies, or social relationships, or if you as parents feel difficulty coping with the situation, it is recommended to turn for a consultation with a professional from the field of mental health, emotional therapy, or parental guidance. Sometimes a single professional conversation can assist in early identification of the difficulty and grant significant tools for coping for the child and the entire family.
For children and adolescents who lost a parent, periods of security threat and uncertainty are liable to reawaken deep fears and feelings of loss, even if years have passed since the loss itself. The fear of harm to loved ones and the understanding that difficult events can indeed occur make coping particularly complex. Children who lost a parent and their family members are invited to turn to the Sunflowers Association, which provides an emotional, social, and community response adapted to the unique needs of children and adolescents who experienced the loss of a parent.
Yael Borochov is a parental guide and an art therapist at the Sunflowers Association – the National Organization for Children Who Lost a Parent, Widows, and Widowers.